One of the most difficult things we will have to encounter is a burning desire to control everything and everyone, especially when things in our life are not going as well as we would like. However, holding on to the desire to control things that we cannot, brings with it a very negative energy vibration.

We know that a negative energy vibration will attract more negativity, and that a positive energy vibration will draw more positive results to us. We also know that what we focus on expands. So let’s take a look at a few of the things we can control and some we can’t, so that we know where to best focus our attention.

So grab a piece of paper and a pen, and let’s make note of things that we cannot control first:


  1. What other people think
  2. The actions of others
  3. What others believe
  4. What happened in the past

…So I can LET GO of these things.

Now let’s make note of what we can control:


  1. What I think
  2. My actions
  3. What I feel
  4. What I believe
  5. My future
  6. My positive attitude 

…So I WILL FOCUS on these things

I have a diagram (now remember I’m not a very techy person 😉 it’s on a regular sheet of paper. At the top half of the page I draw the outline of a big cloud and at the bottom half of the paper I draw an outline of a circle and draw two eyes and a smile, like a happy face. Inside the center of the outlined cloud I write a statement in big red capital letters “I CANNOT CONTROL (so I can LET GO of these things)” and then I add in the items listed above, inside the cloud just scattered around the statement. Then I do the same thing with the smiley face – “I CAN CONTROL (so I WILL FOCUS on these things)” and add the items listed above, inside the smiley face. 

The items on these lists may seem quite obvious – but when I am struggling with the need to control the things I can’t, I pull out this diagram and stick it up somewhere that I am going to see it everyday, as a reminder.  (Trust me, when we are in a state of stress or experiencing anxiety, we forget the “obvious”).  It is so important that we focus our attention on those things in our life that produce positive energy, thereby supporting what we want and how we feel and think. When we are focusing on things beyond our control, we are not only wasting that precious energy but we are creating a negative vibration that produces anxiety, frustration, stress, and also can cause us to act in ways that we would otherwise choose not to. It is simply futile. Absolutely nothing is gained, but it comes at a cost. Never does focusing on things you cannot control move you forward in your life. If anything, it holds you back, which in turn makes you feel even less in control.

If this sounds daunting to you, or if it even sounds just too simple – and if you feel brave enough, then you may wish to ask yourself the question “what is it that I am so afraid I am going to lose control of?”  

Depending on your answer to that question, there may be some underlying fear or subconscious beliefs that you have about yourself that you need help with. Once these are addressed and changed, you will seek to control the things you can’t less often and focus on controlling the things you can, leaving you free to enjoy a more stress-free life.

Sending you positive vibes!